Making New Friends as an Adult

Making new friends as an adult can be scary and difficult, but if you lean into the fear, it can lead to some of the best friendships of your life.

I often hear people say how hard it is to make friends as adults, and personally, if you think that way, it will be true for you.

I am still close with my best girlfriends from high school, and they remain some of my most treasured friendships. Even though we don’t see each other often, it always feels like no time has passed. However, as you get older and get to know yourself better, some friendships naturally fade. Maybe you no longer share the same interests, or perhaps—how we like to describe it—spending time with them feels draining. We value our time and energy too much to be surrounded by people who don’t align with us. When friendships drop off, which is a common experience for women in their 20s and 30s, it can feel lonely. You may find yourself lacking a deep connection where you feel truly seen and heard—something I believe is one of the three key elements of a happy and content life.

How Do You Make New Friends as an Adult?

I consider myself very fortunate to have formed some of my best friendships in the last ten years. When I reflect on these relationships, I notice a common thread: we share similar values and interests and genuinely want each other to win. But even recently, I’ve made two amazing new friends—how?

One friendship came through work, and the other through a mutual friend. Yet both are built on the same foundation: time and vulnerability. I now think of making new friends like dating—this realisation came to me as I was doing both at the same time.

You have to invest time into any relationship, whether it’s friendship or romance. With my work friend, I enjoy the small moments—running errands together or chatting during downtime. With my other friend, there’s more intentional effort since we don’t see each other daily for work. We plan outings and make time to catch up because we choose to.

At the start of any friendship, just like dating, you’re curious. You want to get to know the person, so you open up and share. I truly believe that vulnerability is the gateway to connection. And just like in dating, you’ll know if something is there.

The effort will be reciprocated. And if it’s not? Let it go. (Think of Mel Robbins’ Let Them Theory—don’t force friendships the way people often chase relationships.)

The Secret to Strong Adult Friendships

As you get to know yourself, all of your relationships improve. Understand what’s important to you, identify the qualities you admire in a friend, and you’ll start attracting like-minded people. As my best friends reminded me the other night at dinner: You are the people you surround yourself with—so choose wisely.

So, can you make new friends as an adult? Absolutely. And chances are, they’ll be some of the best friendships of your life.

If you’re trying to meet new people, think of it like dating. And if dating isn’t your strong suit, maybe start with friendship dating—build your confidence there first. Like exercise? Go to run clubs or pilates and start a conversation with someone.